From Hydrangeas to Tiger Mom

      While gardening one learns many lessons about life and parenting. In the past, I have written about some of these e.g.:

• Sapoot & Kapoot
• Parenting Nasturtiums
• Reflections of Life (from my book)

      Now it is time to tell you about what the Hydrangeas have taught me this year. Four years back I planted nine saplings of Hydrangeas. In order to have a colorful rhythm, they were arranged by the color of their future blooms i.e. blue, white, pink, blue,white, pink, blue, white and pink. Famous last words! A few took to the soil well and started growing. Four to five died in the following year and had to be replaced. Last year two bloomed. This year after four years of trials, all nine are thriving well and have bloomed, showing their true colors (see below).

 All photos in this post are by SMD.

      The color of the blooms is dictated by how acidic or alkaline the soil is. Well most of the blooms are pink or white. None are pure blue. There are a few lavender and some have light shades of pink, blue and white mixed. There are so many shades of pink that from a distance it looks like an Estee Lauder lipstick counter (see below).

      My planned rhythm of B,W and P is gone but I am happier with this unexpected outcome. It is delightful to look at and the lavender (mix of pink and blue) is magical As a parent, I gave them the best environment to grow. Watered them regularly, pruned them, removed dead flowers on time, covered the base with fabric and mulch to prevent weeds etc. Although the outcome was not in my hands, they had the freedom to grow and express their true colors. In the pastiche of these thoughts, I am going to review a very controversial book that I read recently.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Book Review of: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom (by Amy Chua)

      This book is a window into the parenting style of a mother in a Chinese-American family. The author, Amy Chua is the daughter of first generation of Chinese immigrant parents in America. They have four daughters, out of which two go to Harvard, one goes to Yale and the last ones participates in Olympics. Amy’s father wanted her to study at UCB and marry a Chinese man. She went to Harvard and married a Jew. She studied law at Harvard, teaches at Yale, has written many books. So far so good. She has two daughters whom she chooses to raise in the Chinese way, so as to continue with the tradition of academic excellence, hard work and discipline in her family. Hence the book is really about raising over-achieving kids. In writing about it, she has compared parenting in the Western way and in the Chinese way and generated many thought provoking issues.

      As a parent she focuses on the studies of her two daughters (Sophia and Lulu). In order to give them a well-rounded childhood she makes Sophia excel in Piano (Carnegie at 15!) and Lulu in violin. But the way she achieves her goals reveals the inhuman pressure she puts on her children to perform well. She micro manages even the practice sessions, cuts off vacation time and invests it in piano and violin, makes reservation in hotels that have a piano so that the practice time for piano is not missed! In many ways she takes extreme measures leading the reader to feel that it’s not good parenting but child abuse. By controlling her childrens’ lives so strictly and creating a pressure cooker in their home, she has killed all the spontaneous joy and magic of their childhood. To the world her children might be child prodigies but in reality they are like human bonsais who are constricted and programmed to perform well.

      Like the Hydrangeas, to bring out their true colors one has to give children the freedom to grow and pursue the passions they are born with. Only then will they grow happily and shine with a brilliance that is naturally magical. Cokie Roberts has said that once you come to America the rules of the old world don’t apply. As an educated parent Amy should have raised her children by giving them the best of the two worlds. Good Chinese values and the freedom of opportunities in America, instead of sticking to just the Chinese way. Maya Lin and Christie Yamaguchi are classic examples of this mix. In India there is a saying I am glad that Gandhi is the father of the nation. But I am happy that he is not my father. Similarly after reading this book every Chinese kid in America will say that I am glad that Amy Chua is Chinese. But I am happy that she is not my mother Before I wrap up this post, here are a few pointers for Amy Chua:

• Read Momfulness to soften your heart as a mother.
• See Three Idiots
• Read The Paper Garden since you think craft is a waste of time and
• Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.

Ratna

—————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Blog Stats: 44,357 hits

—————————————————————————————————————————————————–

On children:

They come from you but they are not yours.

- Khalil Gibran